My running program right now has me in a base building phase. Well, if I was on a program I would call this phase base building. In all honesty I don’t follow a program. I’m usually trying to increase my mileage, and throwing in some speedwork and long runs to boot. Then when I feel burnout coming on I scale back. I stop extending my daily runs, I toss out one or both speed workouts, and may shorten my long run. Usually a week of easier running is good then I jump back in. Recently, I’ve been bumping the daily distance up.
To build up my mileage I take tiny little steps. I increase maybe a tenth or a quarter of a mile, depending on how I feel and how much extra time I have. As crazy as it sounds, there are mornings when I have literally zero extra minutes and can’t go more than an extra tenth. But that is still more than yesterday! Over time my small steps add up to a new comfortable baseline.
Building up in fitness happens by taking small steps consistently, and this is true outside of fitness as well. I had a chance to reflect on this as it applies to relationships this morning. After taking my older son to school, I returned home and spent half an hour with my younger son before it was time for his ride to school. I had asked him to get all his things ready, listing what he needed to take this morning. Once in the car, I looked over and saw that he didn’t have his clarinet for music class. I asked him about it and he realized it was in the house. This is not a rare occurrence for him, and it sometimes triggers extreme frustration for me. In that moment I had a choice – I could give him a hard time for forgetting something AGAIN, after I had reminded him specifically about it. Or I could just unlock the door and encourage him to be speedy in getting his instrument.
The first way may have felt cathartic, may have made me feel powerful. It would certainly have made him feel like crap, and certainly wouldn’t have taught him anything. It’s not like he didn’t already realize his error. It would have engendered a bad feeling for him before his day even got started, and we would have parted with a lack of love and acceptance.
The second way would require me to swallow my superiority, to quench my frustration. It would require me to give him grace, to allow him to fix the problem without feeling shame. His day would not start out with bad feeling, and we would part for the day with feelings of peace and confidence.
I chose to build him up, rather than tearing him down. In this moment, I drove the day in a positive direction for this little person who looks to me for direction. In my interactions with people I try to add to their experiences, not to take away. When I do, I find I add to my own happiness as well. Judging, berating, shaming – these interactions make me feel as awful as the person I am heaping them on to. And it only takes a small encouragement, a little acknowledgment, a tiny praise to really help someone shine. It doesn’t need to be a huge milestone, a major accomplishment. Like a few more minutes on the treadmill, a small pat on the back day after day adds up to a happy, confident loved one.